The Journey Begins

. . . but it has been on-going as well.

A good place to begin this new blog of mine, just a wee-bit on the waning side of Litha (midsummer solstice).

Who am I?

My name is Wol Ulchabhan.

You may call me Wol.

I have journeyed the waking-world three and fifty years at the time of this writing.

The Owl and the Turtle are my sign.

Hawk and Eagle are my friends.

I am Céle Dé, also known as The Order of the Culdees.

Jesu is my Rock of Salvation.

Ruah Kodesh is the Wind in my sail.

Papa’s Love is the Consuming Fire in my heart.

Living Water flows through me from the Three in One.

My Journey . . . my pilgrimage . . . is both in the Waking-World and in the Unseen Realms

at the same time.

These are my stories . . .

The Little Red Book

The Little Red Book. I was young when I got it, no more than ten years of age. The little red book was given to me, but I do not remember from who. I think it was a “gift” handed out out a church wedding. Within the little red book were verses pulled from scripture, all out of context and arranged in a flow that talked of sin, God’s anger and wrath at us for our sin with damnation assured to be followed by hell unless we got in on the “safe side” of God by accepting His divine “Get Out of Jail – Free” card through Jesus. Jesus who died to take our deserved place because God was royally ticked and someone had to pay and to appease.
My friend Jesus! Thank you! But this free pass was only good for one shot; you had to “keep on the sunny-side” by doing good, following the rules and supporting the program that the experts said was very important. After all, you had to keep on the stern but “good” side of this God who saw all and watched from above. At the end of the little red book was the “sinner’s prayer” and a place to sign your name, indicating that you had accepted Jesus Christ ( the free “Get Out of Jail” card). God must indeed be very powerful to read that scribbled signature in that tiny little red book from so far away.

I felt better. I felt safe. No one wants to burn so I signed the pledge. Being the typical young child, I eventually set the book aside and went and played and did my homework and tried to do what my parents and teacher asked. I wasn’t a bad kid. Oh sometimes I did stupid and selfish things like everyone does in their life. But all I wanted to do was play, have fun and be loved and accepted.

After some time had passed I found the little red book again admist the clutter of toys, books and other things a young boy collects. I would read that little red book again and become fearful that I had “lost my salvation” and that God was pissed at me again because I ad forgot about the rules and the program. I was sure that there was a very hot place awaiting for me as my “Final Destination”. After all, that’s what the Rules said, that’s what the Program ( and those who ran the Program) said. That’s what the Little Red Book said. So I would pray and repent and promise. I would go through a performance on inner spiritual gymnastics until the Religious Taskmasters of Guilt, Shame and Fear were appeased. I would be fine and do fine. I was “safe”. All at the tender age of ten.

And that Little Red Book?

It has haunted me, tormented ever since. Again and again.

Quite the burden for a ten year old, eh? Or for anyone at any age really. “Salvation” born of Guilt, Shame and Fear is not salvation. It is a cruel taskmaster that terrorizes.

Love is the true catalyst of transformation. Love is the alchemy of salvation. Love is the Light that heals and guides. Love is the only Way that can bring us out of the darkness of Guilt/Shame/Fear into the Light. Love in the heart, in the core of who we are is the way. That is where we must be led from. Not the ego-mind. The heart filled with Divine Love instructs the mind. Not a little red book of dried ink on paper with no light or love.

Oh Divine Source, fill me with Love, Light, Grace and Truth. Yeshua, let me be informed and formed by Love. May Love be my Guide, Friend and Companion. Take from me that little red book and give me relationship.

“I want to know what Love is, I want You to show me. I want to feel what Love is, I know You can show me.”

“But the Greatest of these is Love”

“Oh dear! I’m afraid his little red choo-choo has gone chugging off the tracks.”

“Look at him, he’s gone loopie!”

“Ah, another victim of ‘New Age’ influence. Tsk-tsk.”

“He’s Too Pagan.”

“He’s Too Christian!“

“He’s Too Liberal.”

“He’s Too Conservative.”

Ah, and so it goes. Sad day that so many have fallen upon labels and dogma. I can understand. It’s easier to do so rather than spend the time and energy to really get to know someone, to explore their realm, to get out of my comfort zone. Because then I might really have to love them. I might really have to be vulnerable and risk being misunderstood, being labled . . . being challenged.

But all I know is God and the Mercy of God. The farther along I get in The Journey, the more of The Story I experience the more my Paradigm gets shifted. The more I see the “fingerprints of Christ” everywhere, on everyone. I mean EVERYONE. Whether they realize it or not, acknowledge it or not. I’ve begun to realize that it’s Papa’s job to do the paradigm shifting, not mine. My mission is to know, to experience Papa’s Love more and to live out that Love with all others; learning to Love others in like manner.

And so I love my conservative orthodox friends here. And I love my liberal ecclectic and unconventional friends here. I love my fellow “christian” friends here. And I love my “pagan” friends here. Papa has blessed me with all of them and has used their paradigms to free me up. To let go of the false security offered by dogma and labels. To let go the fear of opinion, of not having “right” opinion, perspective, info . . . whatever.

All I know is God and His Mercy. Papa’s Grace and Love.

And that it is for and in everyone. EVERYONE. It’s His business to bring that into transformation in each person . . . in HIS time. It’s my privilege to see and to call that out in everyone I meet. For that is the Way of Love.

And it is the Greatest.

It Don’t mean a Thing if it Ain’t Got That Swing

On New Year’s eve we watched the last Harry Potter movie; “The Deathly Hollows” parts 1 and 2. There is a lot in that story that reflect elements of the Gospel Message.  I know that there are those who would scoff at that (some of them violently) . . . but that’s their problem.

Universal themes of laying down one’s life for others, dying to oneself, being aware of the lies we tell ourselves, acknowledgement that there’s a bit of “Voldermort” in oneself.

But the greatest message I see woven subtly throughout the entire story thread is that without Love, it all doesn’t mean a thing.

I remember way back to the Disney Movie Classic “The Sword and the Stone”. Young Arthur is being mentored by Merlin. In his many adventures in learning, Arthur comes to the conclusion that the greatest “magic” (power) is Love. That it is the only true and real power.  Some of course would again scoff at connecting the word “magic” to that of the word “Love”. I can understand this.

There is perhaps no perfect descriptive for the word “Love” save that of what Paul the apostle was inspired to write in his first letter to the Corinthians. It is interesting to note that this part of his letter falls right smack-dab in the middle of the section that is dealing with gifts (“powers”) from/of the Spirit (Ruah Kodesh “Holy spirit”; Papa God’s Creative Breath of Life). Without Love, it don’t mean a thing.

And this: Without Love, it is not of God.

In the “grays” that I struggle within my life, this is what bothers me most. There are parts of “me” that have little love in them. And there are parts that have no love at all. So when crap from those parts surface, I am troubled and disturbed. Though I should not be surprized by that crap surfacing (though my ego is by the shocking fact that I’m not perfect). Papa God is not surprized either (nor is He disappointed or angry) when my crap surfaces. So why am I? Papa God accepts me. crap and all. It seems that The Divine is in the Sanitization Business. Which is a good thing as I would do a crappy job all on my own (though my ego thinks otherwise).

Note that I said “all on my own”; The process involves my participation. But I can’t do it all by myself. In one sense it is something that Papa has done completely (in Christ) and “is doing” (in Christ) but invites me to join in this process. I see echoes of this in Merton’s writings in “New Seeds of Contemplation”.

Wow! From Harry Potter to Merlin to Merton. That’s quite the Quantum leap.

But  . . . “It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing”.

That “swing” being Love.

Shalom, Grace and may it be that Love tackles you to the floor.

Happy New Year.

Dancing In The Room of Grace Part 5

~ A Bright Note ~

“You need not fear” the stranger’s voice came.

And with it came a bright light. I had not realized how dark it had become around me until he had spoken. The light that came with his voice drove back the darkness and the sweet breeze of fresh air blew about me . . . through me, bringing with it light and warmth to my soul. Like the smell of fresh baked bread or the cool summer breeze blowing in from across the sea was his voice to my soul. The darkness, the shadows could not withstand the light and gave way, receding and finally vanishing. I found myself again in a lush and verdant field, color-bright with flowers, magnificent trees and awe inspiring hills surrounding. And in the distance, a majestic mountain loomed so high that it seemed to touch the sky. Indeed so high it was that I could not see clearly it’s top for it disappeared into the clouds.

The intensity of it all was so much that I blinked, shaking my head.

“Breathe, breathe!” he said, laughing. “You’re not dreaming. This is real. And yes, this is still all in the Room of Grace!” he answered to the question forming in my mind. I hadn’t realized that I had been holding my breath, so mesmerized was I by the scene unfolding before me. As I began to breathe, sound flourished about me and I could begin to hear the soft strains of music, as if someone were playing some music not too far off. As I focused more intently on it my breath became more synchronous with the music. The musical notes reverberating in the air all about me, within me even. I started to get a sense of the direction of the melodic source; It was the majestic mountain. At that realization, a desire began to well-up within me to go to that mountain. Vast as it was it seemed so near. And yet I knew that it had to be far, far away. I knew not how far and I doubted if I had the fortitude for the journey. With that thought I felt again the weight of the suitcase in my hand. How could I ever make such a journey with such a ponderous weight?

“Why don’t you let me carry that?” he asked. “Now that you’ve seen the mountain, you will want to travel there. Have no fear. It seems far but it’s not too far. I will go with you and see to it that you get there. Now why don’t you hand that over? That way it won’t slow you down. I’ll take good care of it for you.”

I could not tell you why, but for some reason his word made sense and I handed him my suitcase. The release of it’s weighty burden brought a joy to me that infused me with light and energy. I began to believe that he was truly trustworthy, both with my possessions and me myself.

I had found a guide and a companion on my journey.

Dancing In The Room of Grace Part 4

“Shadows Fall”

Room? What room?!?

I wasn’t in any room that I could see. How could this be a “room”? I was outside. I mean the room I had been in was great and all that, but this just all began to seem too weird. I could not explain how I got to be outside. And how had i gotten dressed so? I didn’t remember changing clothes. And what of my familiar clothes? Where were they? And then a fear gripped me; where was my suitcase?

Panic ensued. The music began to fade and then stopped, along with the singing-without-words. The light faded into a twilight darkness, the field I was in lost it’s warmth and I became cold. I looked upon myself and found that I was once again dressed in the old tattered garb I had on before. I seemed so far from anywhere. Fear and panic throbbed so hard within me that my body began to shake. The growing silence of my surroundings became so deafening that I thought I might go mad. I felt so lost. So alone.

It was then I noticed beside me my old suitcase. My suitcase! At last, something familiar. Something tangible, sound . . . concrete. A connection. Sitting down, I pulled the suitcase up on my lap. Opening it, I carefully began to go through it’s contents. My “treasures”. I ran my hands around the contours of it’s battered surface, gingerly touching the stickers of all the places I had been, recalling with reverence the memories. Even though most of those memories contained fear and pain. At least they were something real. As real as the suitcase and the tattered clothes that I wore. The fear and panic began to subside and I grew into a comfortableness of the familiar. Into what “was real”. “I must have banged my head or something” I thought to myself. Or maybe it had been some sort of weird dream. But at least now I had awoke and was back where I belonged. Though exactly where I was , I was not quite sure.

It was then I heard His voice again;

“Oh, you are still in the Room of Grace. A dissonant note within you threw you out of sync with the reality of where you are at. This often happens when a person first begins to experience the dance. But that’s okay. You are not alone or lost, although you may feel like it. the Dance, the music, the singing-without-words continues. it goes on. In fact, it never really stops. Only your perception of it all can become obscured. We can, at any time you are ready, get ‘right back into the swing of things.’ as they say.”

“You are mad!” I yelled. “What you say is not real. This! This is real!” I shouted as I grabbed and held aloft my suitcase as evidence. Around me the grays and shadows grew in their starkness. Grasping my suitcase even tighter, I endeavored to shut out His voice. I did not want my comfortableness disturbed. What I had heard and seen before was an illusion. It was not real. It could not be real! It could not last. Iron earth and brass skies were the only reality. My tattered clothes were the reality. They were me and I was them. The beauty I had seen and heard was the illusion. Remembering it brought a strong moaning sadness that seemed as though it would smother me. It was painful. At least the sorrow and pain that I packed around with me in my suitcase was mine. It was at least familiar. It was what gave me existence. What the stranger had said and shown to me could not be real. And it was dangerous . . . scary. It made me feel afraid. Give me the shadows and the grays . . . it was where I belonged.

Again, His voice . . .

“You need not fear! You are not alone. Only believe . . .”

 

Dancing in the Room of Grace Part 3

“Two Step”

It was then that I looked and saw that the room had expanded. What was a banquet room was now a banquet room PLUS a good sized dance floor. The floor itself was just not plain hardwood. It was covered with an intricate pattern that could not be described verbally, only experienced. As I looked upon it, I was drawn inexplicably to it. It was inviting. It’s mysteriousness posed some concern upon me. Yet it exuded a warmth . . . a promise that was both irresistible and yet allowed for choice. I found myself walking towards the floor. The sight of the pattern became too much for me, straining my eyes.

“Slowly my friend. Don’t try to take in too much all at once.” He said to me.

Indeed, trying to grasp it all brought about a certain sense of fear. Rather, there was something from within myself that the fear emanated from. What ever it was, it was the same thing that kept pulling my mind back to the presence of my suitcase. But as I let go of trying to grasp it all and just listened to His voice, the sense of being overwhelmed  faded. The room seemed no longer threatening and the weight of the suitcase (which I always seemed to be carrying) became less tangible.

“Don’t forget to breathe. Breathing is resonant with Life. It is how life began and it is how life continues. Breath of Life is the Spirit.”

I became aware, thanks to His Word, that I was holding my breath. I began breathing, taking deep and long breaths, relaxing and letting go. With each breath my energy seemed to fill and expand my awareness, my focus. It seemed as though the room itself was alive with breath, energy . . . Spirit. It was then I began to notice a soft, faint sound of music coming from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. It was a music that had singing, yet without words. Of Being. I found that my body had begun to sway with the music. The singing-without-words causing a vibration within myself. I let myself go and began to dance with abandon. Without effort. I twirled! I leapt! Breath flowed in and out of me, through me and all around me. None of my prior experiences could compare with what I was now experiencing. This was LIFE! It was like going from a two dimensional state to a three dimensional stae of being. The room transformed around me and now I was in a wide, open field alive with plants, trees . . . everything was alive and resonated with the breath, the music . . . the singing-without-words. I found that I was not dancing alone. He who had been speaking to me now held me, dancing with me and guiding me in the dance. It was exhilarating! He threw his head back and laughed. He continued to lead in the dance and yet never forced anything. It was both free and yet guided, guided but yet free.

We danced through meadows. We danced alongside streams. We came near to a mountain, a stream flowing from it. At one point the stream came over a sharp edge of a drop on the mountain and became a beautiful waterfall. As we came nearer I could hear that that part of the music and singing-without-words came from the waterfall. The water was so pure, so clear that it appeared as glass. In fact, it reflected all that was around it, including He who held and led me in the dance. And in that reflection I saw that I was dressed in the clothes that I had seen in the portrait.

“See! I told you!” He laughed out to me. “Behold, I make all things new!” With this He laughed again as He gave me a twirl. “Don’t you just Love this room?” He asked.

Room? Room! ? !

Dancing in the Room of Grace Part 2

~ All My Love ~

As you read, you  become aware of the presence of someone nearby. You hear a deep, soft and peaceful voice.

“It’s true, you know. This is how My Love has made you to be.”

“How can that be? What kind of love can do that?”

“My Love can for it existed before time began. My Love purposed to do so with you before the foundations of the world.”

At this point, you notice the weight of something in your hand. You look and see that you are holding a worn and tattered suitcase. It is covered all over with stickers of where you have been, what you have done and quotes of what you and others have said. Some of which are about you. Inside, it is full of things. Many things. Some that are cherished. Some that bring shame . . . and pain. All of it makes the suitcase quite heavy, a burden to carry for sure. But somehow you cannot quite let it go . . . and there is a part of you that doesn’t want to.

“But what about this?” you ask this person, indicating the suitcase in your hand. “I cannot be that person in the painting that you say that I am. You don’t know me! The places I’ve been, the things that I’ve said . . . the things that I’ve done.”

“Oh but I do. What’s on that old case does not define you. Neither does what’s inside. That’s because of what I have done. And you don’t have to carry it any longer. You can let it go. You can put it down.”

“I don’t want to! Even if I did, I can’t!”

“I know. But I can help.”

“I DON’T WANT TO! There are things in this that are precious to me!”

“I know. Some of them are even good things, things that I’ve placed in there. But you hang onto it too tightly. And that can squeeze the life out of them. And there are things in there that have no life in them at all . . . only pain.”

“I know, I know. But I can’t let go. I don’t want to . . . I don’t know how to . . .”

“I understand. That old tattered suitcase is not an obstacle to Me, only to you. I can help you with whatever is on it or in it, whenever you want. Whenever you are ready.”

“But you don’t know some of the stuff that’s in there. So much darkness, so much pain, so much shame. So much . . .”

“But that does not affect My Love for you nor does it define our relationship. And as I have said, neither does it define who you are. My Love defines who you are. And nothing, NOTHING can change that.”

“I can’t see how that is. I still cannot see how I could be that person in the picture. I’ve never even had clothes like that. Ever . . .”

“That’s because you have not learned to see what I can see. You do have clothes like that and I can help you to see them. I can help you to see many things. And I can help you to dance.”

“To dance? Where? What do you mean?”

“Yes . . . to dance. Here. In this room. I can help you, teach you.

To Dance in the Room of Grace”